I’ve just finished reading 50 Shades of Grey and I want to read the next two books of the trilogy – at least at this moment when this part of the saga has left me hanging! Shocking I know. I didn’t expect to read it or like it or admit to either…having dismissed it as popular trash. I never had an interest when it appeared that everyone was talking about it, but then one night this summer, sleeping in a guest room at my brother’s for the weekend, there it was in a pile of books next to my pillow.
I picked it up out of curiosity, reading – or more accurately skimming through – the first third of the book when something even more curious happened. I found I wasn’t reading it alone, for the sole purpose of my late night entertainment – the sex scenes tantalizing as they were – but rather with the Spirit within urging me to get past the judgements in my mind about what I considered to be aberrant sex and a fixation on the body.
The thought came that this might be a good way to allow my judgements about the kinky sex, the need for control, the dissent into darkness of an innocent young women, to rise… experiencing them in the safety of words on a page, much the same way as I did with images on a screen as I watched movies through the eyes of my inner Spirit, allowing my reactions to play out as experiences in my living room, rather than in my life.
I read the rest of the book in my normal thorough mode rather than in my previous cursory manner, and dare I say, I wanted more. The story became, not so much about an abnormal indulgence of the senses, but an example of pleasure and pain as one; a tug of war between guilt, fear, punishment and shame on one side and non-judgement, forgiveness and a urning for love and healing on the other. It became a story of a journey out of darkness into the light, lead by innocence and a call for love.
I never expected to admit my indulgence publicly, and I certainly deemed this subject completely inappropriate for a spiritual blog…but here I am. I’m surprised as you are – proof that the Spirit truly can take ANYTHING we make and use it for it’s own purposes.
We are all on a journey out of the darkness of our own making, seeped in a well of our misperceptions, struggling to make sense out of a world that makes no sense, colored in shades of grey that define a life that can’t be defined in the absolute of black or white, but only by the light that shines on it. We’re led by the Innocence within that transforms and ultimately set us frees until we land in a place bathed in white, where no shades of grey exist.
PS. Does any of this make sense? Or am I 50 shades of confused?