When I was younger I was very ambitious. I thought I didn’t really matter unless I made something of myself. Even that expression sounds weird to me now.
Make something of myself?
What does that even mean?
Yet we all know exactly what that means. We’ve been told so many times, in so many ways we rarely even question it…until life throws us a curve ball (or two or three) and our concept of “myself” gets shaken. It’s a good day when that happens.
Yet most of us, conditioned by the thinking of the world, don’t see the opening that a fractured self concept presents. We don’t see the gift of it. Instead we see all the reasons we’re not good enough. We hurl more curve balls to this self than the world ever did.
But if we’ve got ambition, talent and a healthy work ethic, we try harder to make it in the world. It drives us to years of education, 60 hour work weeks, building a career and a family, making more money, buying more stuff…thinking we need all this to sustain us. And the eyes of the world call this self a success. And we believe it…until we don’t.
We may have done a heroic job of patching up the fracture in the concept of the self, but it never really healed. We don’t know yet that the split can’t fully close, that what lies beyond it is Life, that what we really want is for it to crack open because that’s where freedom is. Instead we choose to go through battlefields wounded and afraid until we’ve suffered enough.
A Course in Miracles calls this fracture, our split mind. Each side houses a distinct, irreconcilable thought system. One belongs to the ego, the other to Spirit; one is based on fear, the other Love, and only one of them is real.
We spend lifetimes functioning from the ego, because that’s the operating system of the world. We’ve forgotten the other world, ruled by love and forgiveness, where the self is the Self, whole, complete, innocent, more wondrous than we can imagine. Yet imprisoned in the ego’s side of the split we spend countless lifetimes trying to be a fraction of what we already are.
That’s why “make something of myself” doesn’t make sense!
The light that shines through the cracks, that never stops, that whispers the wonders of who we are, calling us to the right side that promises us an end to suffering, pain, depression, loneliness and separation because it doesn’t know these things, but knows we do – even if only in dreams. It promises us perfect happiness because that’s where we really live.
The crack is an opening to our freedom, that gets larger as we listen to its siren song. Sometimes it breaks us open suddenly, but mostly it’s a slow, perfectly orchestrated process where the Spirit takes all the ego throws at us and sings us a different song. Not a lullaby that lulls us to sleep, but a happy tune that wakes us up and asks once more, as it has countless times, to choose Love again.
Many blessings, Silvia
And now my dear companions, it’s your turn…
What comes to your mind? Do tell us…